For All That It Destroys, It Creates

2022 sudah berlalu lebih dari 2 bulan, rasanya masih ada yang belum selesai sebelum aku merangkum apa saja yang terjadi di 2021, terlalu cepat rasanya aku melangkah dari tahun 2021. Banyak hal terjadi berurutan dan begitu cepat, tak terduga di tiap harinya, hampir tidak bisa bernafas, exhausted.

But anyway, sedikit mengulas apa yang aku pelajari di tahun 2021 mengenai dinamika setiap individu yang ternyata tidak semua yang baik itu baik dan tidak semua yang buruk itu buruk. Banyak cerita cinta hingga cita cita terukir.

Awal 2021 aku belajar. Tidak semua orang hadir untuk selamanya, beberapa mungkin dipertemukan hanya untuk sementara. Tuhan pernah mempertemukanku dengan seseorang untuk mengajariku beberapa messages dan purpose tertentu. Tugasnya sudah selesai. It's time for him to left. Terima kasih sudah hadir dalam proses pendewasaan! God bless you.

Sometimes love is goodbye, to grow we need to set each other free, some are destined to collide but not destined to be. Sometimes love is letting go. Universe is trying to teach me how to be thankful for all that didn't work in my life.

Tenang, aku sudah menarik kembali sisa-sisa aku yang harus tetap dipertahankan sebelum semua benar-benar terasa hilang dan berbeda. 

2021, I grow up into a typical first daughter whose main mission is to make her family proud and exceed expectations, got one opportunity after another that piled up into a wonderful career (used to think I) in my college level.

Aku mencoba keluar dari zona nyaman mencoba membuka pintu yang lebih besar, cukup berat dan banyak menguras tenaga memang. Tapi semua kujalani dengan yaudalah sebentar lagi sampai rumah, legowo kalau kata orang jawa. Lakukan apa yang aku suka, sukai apa yang aku lakukan. 

2021, banyak pundak di sekitarku yang harus aku kuatkan, banyak suara yang aku dengar. Sometimes hearing other people's burdens make me exhausted. But I have to and I loved to. Ternyata selama ini aku tidak sedang membuka pintu besar, the truth is I've been in hiding behind the big door. Suara suara itu membuat aku akhirnya berpikir what will be next? who will I be? this future me? I hope that I'm not afraid, I hope that I brave enough to let my walls crumble. 

Yea, I got my own things, looks like a joy doesn't it? but that's not true. Satu hal yang sampai saat ini masih mengganjal, sedih rasanya ketika banyak orang yang menggambarkan aku seperti lagu milik Ne-Yo, get whatever she wants, walk alone for herself. It's sad, that many people believe I can, but few are asking am I okay? I'm okay with being alone, but I often found myself second-guessing whom I can call for help from when I’m in need. I dont have someone who will always be there to catch me when I fall. I was forced to grow around pain.

2021, I am going to let myself go slow, enjoy the little  things about life. I'm not going to count my blessings. I'm going to focus on the things that matter, the things that bring me peace when the world is falling apart. Life is suffering and requires hardwork, right?

I'm learning to live with my flaws no matter how ugly they can be. I becoming everything i needed when no one was there to hold me tight when my world was falling apart. I finally learning that it's okay to be alone, it's okay to say no, it's okay to let things be and let people go.

2021 adalah tahun dimana aku merasakan kehilangan tetapi juga banyak mendapatkan. God doesn't take without giving. God doesn't leave me empty, it always balances the scales within me. For all that it destroys, it creates. For all that falls apart, something is coming together. Tuhan memang selalu adil mengatur porsi untuk hambanya ya?

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